Hello
by chromed dragon
Summary: He still remembers the rainy weather the Friday afternoon she left. He left work early to pick up the twins from school when he received the call. EO, One-shot very likely; my first songfic!


I listened to this song and it made me think of EO in a sad way. :( My first songfic based on Evanescence's "Hello."

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! **

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Elliot looked up from his paperwork and stared at the lonely desk across from his, which belonged to his partner. The empty desk serves as a metaphor for his current emotional state: empty, alone, and incomplete. Her smile would never penetrate his soul again.

_Playground school bell rings again,  
Rain clouds come to play again,  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,  
Hello..._

He still remembers the rainy weather the Friday afternoon she left. He left work early to pick up the twins from school when he received the call. He dropped his phone in disbelief when he heard his Captain's painful words. Elliot dialed Kathy's number and she picked up the twins instead while he raced off to the hospital.

While driving there, he cursed himself for not being there for her, to protect her when she needed it the most. Fin had been with her. Cragen told him Olivia had been shot in the chest during a shootout between her and a rape suspect in his home. When she tried to play the part of the pacifier, he pulled out a gun. She killed the bastard, but she also sacrificed herself in the process. When he arrived in her room, he saw his coworkers huddled around the bed like a hushed Sunday morning mass.

"Elliot…" Casey whispered. "You're here." Cragen turned to him and placed a comforting hand in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Elliot. There was nothing they could do for her."

_If I smile and don't believe,  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken,  
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,  
Don´t cry..._

He tried to smile, he really had, and tried not to believe them. He was dreaming his worst nightmare and Kathy would be waking him up soon for work. This was only a dream. When he saw his partner's lifeless body in that hospital bed, something inside his being cracked. Elliot Stabler was broken beyond repair.  
"Olivia…" Oh God, he couldn't cry here. He did not want to cry, but he needed to.

"Are you okay, man?" Fin asked.

"I'm fine! Don't treat me like I'm damaged! I'm just fine!" Elliot snapped. He left the room and sat on a bench in the hall alone. He couldn't explain his anger. His anger was aimed not at Olivia, but himself. He's still here on this Earth alone. It killed him the most never seizing the opportunity to tell her how he felt about her. He didn't get the chance to confess his crime or to be interrogated by her, and now he never will. He's a criminal on the loose who would never be caught.

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The funeral that Tuesday was awful for Elliot. During the sermon, he couldn't take it anymore and left. He couldn't break down in front of half of the NYPD. Cragen told him to take as many days off as he wanted. Elliot didn't need days off, but Cragen had insisted. Elliot was numb to the world. As far as he's concerned, he's dead, too, but drags on his useless existence.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,  
Hello, I'm still here,  
All that's left of yesterday..._

6 Months Later

Just like every night since her death, Elliot couldn't sleep. Images of Olivia getting shot that day haunt his dreams. He is always too late to save her every time. He can't seem to rinse the blood off his hands. The blood dripping from her lips send shivers down his spine. He has failed her in so many ways, he realizes. He didn't deserve to be her friend, but she always understood him. Unlike so many people in his life, she had never abandoned him. She was always there for him when he needed her. He needs some air, to get away from here for a little while. The shift in weight of the bed stirs his wife from her deep slumber.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get some fresh air. I'll be back in a little while." Kathy went back to sleep while he grabbed his coat.

At the cemetery, Elliot read the carved inscriptions on the tombstone: _Olivia Benson. 1964-2008. Daughter. Friend. Loved by many, missed by all_. Reading the inscriptions were painful, but necessary for him to heal. He kneels on the grass and places a single red rose on her grave.

"Olivia…" he whispers to the starry night sky. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when it happened, but I wish that I had been. I'd take that bullet for you." He wipes a tear from his face. He fights the urge to cry, but he breaks down into a full sob. He would Olivia to see a side she had never seen before.

"I came here to talk to you because I feel very lonely and lost without you, Liv. I just wanted to say thanks for always watching my back, even when I don't have yours. I took you for granted. I realize that I have lost the best part of me, but I've only noticed it too late. I'm damned for a life of regret for not telling you how I feel." The wind picked up suddenly. While Olivia was merciful, the wind was not. The cold air chilled Elliot to the bone.

"I was too nervous to admit it, but I do love you. I hoping with these words, we can both find a little bit of peace." Elliot recited a prayer and headed back to his car. His wife would be waiting for him at home, but it did not feel like home. He feels homeless without Olivia, but he knew she would've wanted him to stay with Kathy to make things right. She had tried many times to help and Elliot appreciated Olivia's advice. Her compassion to help his marriage made him love her more. And if he needed more advice, he would go see her. His partner always gave the best answers to all of his questions.

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Sorry it's a little depressing, but thats what came to mind when I listened to that song.

The End? I think I may just leave this as a one-shot, unless people want more.


End file.
